I’m many things and amongst these is an expat. I’m from South Africa but have been calling Asia home since 2016. The world has grown so small that we merely have to turn a corner to meet someone from a different part of it. That idea opens the door to possibility and many people will take a chance at a life abroad. It’s exciting and terrifying all at the same time. How can we prepare ourselves for it? What challenges will we face?

Many years ago, I made a decision that would change the trajectory of my life. I was in a corporate job with a comfortable salary and job stability. I was on a good track overall but the emptiness I felt weighed on me very heavily. Sometime in the middle of 2015 I made one of the most spontaneous decisions of my life, I knew it was something that I had to do for myself. It felt like a very easy decision, but it was in fact a significant one. That day I reached out to an old acquaintance who was teaching in Korea at the time and asked her how to get there, a few months later I landed in a country that I knew nothing about and didn’t know a soul in. For the most part, I have personally enjoyed my time abroad as it has been filled with opportunities and experiences I would never have had otherwise. My life as an expat has been an eye-opener and these are some of the lessons and experiences I would like to share. 

Adaptation takes time no matter how open you are to the experience. When I landed on the other side of the world from home, I was so ready for the unexpected or so I thought. I arrived in the freezing cold, early hours of the morning to a small studio apartment that had nothing more than a bed and blanket. This was to be the beginning of my journey. I’ve always considered myself fairly open to different cultures but adapting took a while, I was so caught up in how I was used to doing things back home or how I expected things to be based on my preconceived ideas. It took some time for me to remember that I was not home and thus things wouldn’t be as I expected it. What this really means is that you should walk in with an open mind and leave room for growth and change. This applies not only to the places you’ll see but also the people you will meet.

Making friends as an adult is hard and as an expat can also be quite tricky. Regardless of where you are in the world, meeting new people can potentially be a challenge. When I first arrived in Korea it was to a small town in the middle of freezing January. Very few people I countered spoke in English and it wasn’t until two weeks later that I’d meet my first foreigners, a group of young women from South Africa. Although we shared a patriotic bond and spent many hours together, in the end I learned what it meant to have friends of convenience. This may seem shallow, but these people are necessary in your adjustment to life as a foreigner. They not only keep you from loneliness but also share gained knowledge and help you create good memories, especially in those early days. Meeting new people also means speaking to the locals in your area and using it as an opportunity to learn about them and their culture. I have since then met people that I consider lifelong friends and although many that I’ve met in my time abroad are no longer a part of my life, I am grateful for the time we had together and the lessons they helped me learn because it has made me who I am today.

I’ve also learned that in order to get the most out of the expat experience you, in essence, need to become a ‘Yes man’. Say yes to all the invitations and experiences presented to you because that’s how you build memories, both those you treasure and those you laugh about afterwards. I remember agreeing to join my first hike in Hong Kong with a bunch of people I’d only known a short time. Needless to say, it was the most challenging hike I’d ever been on… red, sweaty and breathless doesn’t even cover it. Thankfully we took it easy and stopped as we needed it, and we finally made it to the top. The views were really great, but it was the overall experience that will stay with me, along with the sense of accomplishment end camaraderie. Every expat I’ve met along the way has had their own string of weird and wonderful stories to tell, ranging from meeting their significant other at a random house party or having trouble with a difficult landlord. I believe that through these experiences we do become stronger and wiser.

Lastly, there is something that still strikes me a few times a year and I believe poses a challenge for most expats albeit in varying degrees. The best way I can describe it is as a bout of loneliness and depression. I refer to it as a bout because just like the flu, it will suddenly hit leaving me needing a day in bed surrounded by a confetti of tissues but within a couple of days I’m back to normal. The important thing to remember is that this is completely normal. As an expat we are far removed from everything and everyone we know and love. There can be small instances daily that eventually accumulate into this mass of emotions that just needs an escape valve. My best advice is to let it come, acknowledge the feelings by letting yourself feel what you need to for a bit and then move forward. Don’t forget to reach out to those who love you and want to support you or find healthy outlets to help you through these times. I personally have a good cry, talk to my mom, and then feel much better. Find what helps you best because this is an important coping strategy as an expat.

Overall, I feel that the most important thing to take away from all of this is the reassurance that you are not alone in all of this. The life of an expat is one of adaptation and growth, don’t expect things to be the same as what you’re used to. Be open to meeting people as they are important to your growth as an expat. Be a ‘Yes man’ to offers and opportunities that are presented to you, this is where memories are made. Through all of this remember that you will have days that will try to knock you down and you need to find strategies that help you overcome them. The hard truth is that being an expat is often more challenging than people like to admit or talk about but can be a rewarding experience if you’re willing to make the most of it.